...

I've been uber busy lately with moving and studying and TAing and planning winter getaway plus general semester-related hecticness. All these were stressful load of "stuff" piling on top of me, but I realized how some of these worries and stresses I have are so petty. I got a sad news from my mom about a high school friend of mine (my mom knows her parents) that kinda slapped me on the back of my head..
I remember this friend as bit of a bully actually, not a really mean scary type but one who made few of my other friends' high school lives a little bit more memorable... We were quite close for the first year of high school but it grew into more like "oh yeah I know her from high school" kind of friendship after that. I probably have seen her couple of times after we graduated from high school and just said "omg hiii!" and talk for 5 mins then just be on my way to whatever it was I was going/doing at the time. Not because I hated her or anything, we were just a distant friends I guess. The sad news I got was that she passed away. She took her own life. I have no idea how I'm supposed to comprehend this kind of news. I wasn't close to her and it's been more than 5 years since I last saw her.. Still, I feel so sad that she made such a decision, especially at our age when we probably haven't even had half of what life can offer, and sad that she was unwell which pushed her to make the decision she did. My heart sinks every time I think of her family.
I dare not feel guilty and think 'what if I reached out to her' or anything, not my place. But I feel that any small gesture of care from even the most distant friend could probably helped, though to what extent, I'm not sure... I just hope that she is well now, found her peace and is happier.

I still feel that I shouldn't be blogging about this. This just is not the type of thing where anyone should lightly talk about. It is someone, a person, that is no longer here. It is all of her family that is faced with unimaginable pain. I don't want to sound as if I'm saying "this has been a life-changing third-party experience".. just not the place.

I actually had this post as a draft for couple of days now, but I decided to post it with a justification: I feel that this way, she is remembered a little bit more.