Riiggghhht.... the weight loss had a reason behind it.. I went to student health center last week to at least check why I was so darn tired and had joint/muscle pains at tender age of 20something. The doctor scheduled an appointment for blood test saying it doesn't look like just an exhaustion, he also quick survey-tested me for depression :p but I scored round-about normal for that too. Went back to give them my blood (nurse was uber cranky, she literally stabbed me with a needle!!), and I got an email yesterday for the result. I HAVE HYPERTHYROIDISM?!?! Treatable, so I'm not worried too much but some side-effects are not so pretty. I guess I've been experiencing most of them like extreme fatigue and muscle pains to the point where I found difficult to walk long distances, palpitation, unable to concentrate, weight loss, sleeplessness and haven't yet experienced this but eye-bulging is another common side effect (am I too shallow if this worries me the most?).
I knew I was eating not-too-out-of-ordinarily, not like this is my first semester anyways. I am going back to talk to the doctor today, hopefully I'll get more information on what is good for me and what is not. Is there any food I should avoid (internet says I should avoid iodine-containing food and I should also eat a lot more to keep the weight - I'm having cheesecake for this).
I thought I was healthy and in a pretty good shape even though I haven't been to the gym forever. Oh well. I guess this is the nature's way of telling me stop obsessing about a lot of stuff.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
2 months into semester, progress so far
2 months into the semester, 6 pounds lighter, now I am 101 pounds. No, not been on a diet of any sort but lost that much by pure tiredness, lack of sleep, stress and overwhelming workload. Still did very bad in one midterm exam and the other one I'm waiting for the result.
I thought losing weight and getting thinner was OK but definitely not this way. I didn't skip meals but mostly had to replace them with quick-to-prepare bagels/oatmeals/sandwich with nothing but ham in it etc. I could have bought nice meals every time, but I'm a poor graduate student so not gonna happen... as a result, I felt so out of myself these days and I had low-blood-pressure-attack this morning and it was not pleasant at all. But now that I have a little bit more time and have less exam-related stress, I cooked me a nice meal (black pepper beef! sauce was ready-made though) for dinner tonight and it was sooooo niiiiceee.... I am going to get back to a weight that I feel healthy in.
And still absolutely no research done whatsoever. I've been told repeatedly that master's thesis is more like a project report so I have nothing to worry about, but I'm not worried if I can finish it or not. I'm worried it will end up like a project report rather than a proper research. What is the point in doing that otherwise? I'll start bugging my professor again soon...
What else... oh yeah job hunting. I have a couple of friends in NZ who have successfully found a job in the states, one in Mountain View (Google! OMG!!) and one in NY. Hearing that I am pumped to find me a job too, and what do you know, we had a job fair in Siebel Center today with Microsoft, Intel, Lockheed Martin, NSA, Cerner, Salesforce etc. So I went along, handed my resume to couple of places that interested me (couldn't even get close to MS though, too many students lining up) and got one positive feedback that they will contact me for a phone interview soon. I still dread the interview process and feel I always come out short, but experience-wise, it is better to have many not-so-good interviews than hoping to nail one and only one interview with Google (yeah I still do want to work at Google :P).
Better get back to C# coding or my project group mates will hate me :(
I thought losing weight and getting thinner was OK but definitely not this way. I didn't skip meals but mostly had to replace them with quick-to-prepare bagels/oatmeals/sandwich with nothing but ham in it etc. I could have bought nice meals every time, but I'm a poor graduate student so not gonna happen... as a result, I felt so out of myself these days and I had low-blood-pressure-attack this morning and it was not pleasant at all. But now that I have a little bit more time and have less exam-related stress, I cooked me a nice meal (black pepper beef! sauce was ready-made though) for dinner tonight and it was sooooo niiiiceee.... I am going to get back to a weight that I feel healthy in.
And still absolutely no research done whatsoever. I've been told repeatedly that master's thesis is more like a project report so I have nothing to worry about, but I'm not worried if I can finish it or not. I'm worried it will end up like a project report rather than a proper research. What is the point in doing that otherwise? I'll start bugging my professor again soon...
What else... oh yeah job hunting. I have a couple of friends in NZ who have successfully found a job in the states, one in Mountain View (Google! OMG!!) and one in NY. Hearing that I am pumped to find me a job too, and what do you know, we had a job fair in Siebel Center today with Microsoft, Intel, Lockheed Martin, NSA, Cerner, Salesforce etc. So I went along, handed my resume to couple of places that interested me (couldn't even get close to MS though, too many students lining up) and got one positive feedback that they will contact me for a phone interview soon. I still dread the interview process and feel I always come out short, but experience-wise, it is better to have many not-so-good interviews than hoping to nail one and only one interview with Google (yeah I still do want to work at Google :P).
Better get back to C# coding or my project group mates will hate me :(
Thursday, October 1, 2009
so unbelievably tired
5-hour sleep for the past 2 weeks... courses, catching up, homeworks, project, research, TA work, grading, TA supervisor who thinks I have too much time on me that when the posting the homework grades was posponed by half a day, he thinks me and the other grader is lazy. Err.. grading 3 questions for 100+ students, on top of everything I have to do, took me 3 nights until 2 am!! Plus, if the course only has one grader when there supposed to be 2, why is it automatically my job to take over? Erm don't I already do TAing for the course?? what is the other TA doing??? I know being responsible and whatever, but in the end, I am doing 2 person's job and you think it is easy?????? GGGGAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20-hour a week? yeah riiigghht..
And some professors don't understand why grad students prefer RAship over TAship... are you kidding me??? TA's job is about double triple of what RA has to do (eg. RA has to deal with a professor. TA has to deal with 180+ students!!), AND the research of my own (my thesis!!!) on top of that. RA's get to do their research and work on their thesis along with the professor's. What's more is that this is a research institute. If you are a grad student and don't do much research, you feel like an idiot (e.g. Yay my paper got accepted to this top notch conference!! hmm but what have you been doing? - well, no one I know actually is that mean to point it out, but I feel like that sometimes. can't help it.) Plus getting good grades is important because that's what the TAship assignment is based on (with its tuition waiver). OMG who do I have to punch to make those up there in management/admin office realize this TA workload is just all very wrong, unfair and contradictory on its own!!!!!!! Sure I'm thankful for tuition waiver, but at times this is just unbearable. I felt like I was just spontaneously burst into tears DURING a lecture because of the tiredness, lack of sleep, stressing out about the midterm tomorrow (I had only 2 days to study because of the grading.. THANKS A LOT!!) and the physical muscle and joint pains.. I haven't had time to do anything else, no hanging out with friends, no cooking nice meals...
I don't want to be this negative and realize that I am indeed lucky to be here, but sometimes just rambling it helps.. just few more months.... I wish sleeping wasn't a necessity.
And some professors don't understand why grad students prefer RAship over TAship... are you kidding me??? TA's job is about double triple of what RA has to do (eg. RA has to deal with a professor. TA has to deal with 180+ students!!), AND the research of my own (my thesis!!!) on top of that. RA's get to do their research and work on their thesis along with the professor's. What's more is that this is a research institute. If you are a grad student and don't do much research, you feel like an idiot (e.g. Yay my paper got accepted to this top notch conference!! hmm but what have you been doing? - well, no one I know actually is that mean to point it out, but I feel like that sometimes. can't help it.) Plus getting good grades is important because that's what the TAship assignment is based on (with its tuition waiver). OMG who do I have to punch to make those up there in management/admin office realize this TA workload is just all very wrong, unfair and contradictory on its own!!!!!!! Sure I'm thankful for tuition waiver, but at times this is just unbearable. I felt like I was just spontaneously burst into tears DURING a lecture because of the tiredness, lack of sleep, stressing out about the midterm tomorrow (I had only 2 days to study because of the grading.. THANKS A LOT!!) and the physical muscle and joint pains.. I haven't had time to do anything else, no hanging out with friends, no cooking nice meals...
I don't want to be this negative and realize that I am indeed lucky to be here, but sometimes just rambling it helps.. just few more months.... I wish sleeping wasn't a necessity.
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