Fear of risk disables us all

I am still quite awed by this place - CS at UIUC is seriously on a whole different level. Maybe it is my small-town (country even) mentality that is affecting me in a way, but this place IS really like a hub of anything and everything CS, both academia and industry. I mean, big names like Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, Cerner, IBM, Lockheed Martin PAYS to come to this school and open a job expo (INSIDE THE CS BUILDING!! yup, it is that big), and there are several of them here almost every month, and the seminars people give here are just sooo not what I'm used to. Honestly, back home, the only tech-related seminar I've attended was that Microsoft TechEd one and the small user-group thing. I remember thinking whoa! from attending those ones too, but I thought what they talked about were largely unrelated to what I was doing.
So, when I heard about this ACM conference thing opening at CS dept over the weekend, I wasn't too sure if I wanted to attend any of them. But then my sister told me that there was going to be a talk by Dave Thomas! I only read "The Pragmatic Programmer" first few chapters (was recommended by my team leader back where I worked - who, by the way, is the awsomest person/leader/mentor/friend ever), but I was very shocked to say the least. The very first few chapters were pointing out things I knew I should change as a programmer but wasn't sure how or even why. So, naturally, off to the seminar I went to.
Today's talk was largely about how fear of risk makes us as programmer and as an industry do stupid things, and how the courage to break that fear is the way to innovation, enhancement and growth (OK I might be adding some of my understanding here, but I'm sure I'm not that far off :D). I particularly liked how the talk was about software/programming but not technical - it kind of went into this philosophical basis of being a programmer. Of the great, great things he talked about today, one thing made me go "!!!" with big possum eyes @_@ was that the stupidest thing one can fear about when trying new things is looking like a stupid (again, I am not quoting him, I'm translating him :p). Because it was why I didn't want to perhap "bite the bullet" and do some of the stuff I should have done while working as a programmer. I hated looking like a muppet so I avoided things that might make me look like a muppet. Most of the time, however, it was expected of me to be a muppet because I was told to do something I have never seen before. I mean, HELLO. I knew that too, but I had this expectation of myself being able to do whatever job I was assigned. Not a bad mindset I have to say, just that I was not prepared to feel stupid (all the while understanding that it is a process.. au contraire!). Hmm.. is this an ego problem?? So, anyways, in the end I ended up being a muppet. This could be a reason why I stayed working on one of the company's oldest, most crude product as an "expert" when people before me couldn't stand it. It was something I knew, something safe, not risky. But as Dave Thomas said today, "In this industry, opposite of risky is not safety, it is stagnation". Yup, I was being stagnant. Not learning. I mean, right after I finished my undergraduate studies, I was eager to learn anything and everything. But soon after I started working, I found it very overwhelming and I felt I was not prepared enough. And those uber smart programmers with few years of experience on their back intimidated me like hell... and so the vicious cycle of fear-muppetification-more fear began.

In a way, reading first few chapters of "The Pragmatic Programmer" made me want to go back to the start and re-write my career as this enthusiastic, risk-taking, super geeky programmer, and it added a small push in my decision to come all the way here to study more. I know, what you learn from uni is different from what you learn in the industry, but I wanted to start from scratch. Overall, today's talk made me realize that I made a right decision to study more, and perhaps to change the way I learn things. And from now on, I am going to be unafraid. I remember thinking that the need for a constant learning was what is so intriguing about this industry in the first place. I should not forget that this time.